Cognitive:Students will understand that relationship skills are related to qualities of good character.
Affective:Students will embrace and want to develop the good relationship skills outlined in the chapter.
Behavioral:Students will control emotions, maintain better attitudes and self-concepts, and form better habits.
Class Session 1:
Materials Needed:
Sticks—Craft or "popsicle" sticks are good
Mention that Chapter 4 covers four major areas of relationship skills. It would be good to write them on the board. They are:
1) Understanding our value
2) Good attitudes
3) Good habits
4) Processing anger and other emotions well
Ask students if they took the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale test in their student books. If they have not done so, urge them to do so in their spare time. It will help them to get to know themselves better. If they have done so, ask them to share whether they thought their results—whatever they were—were a true reflection of how much value they feel in themselves.
Take this test of how valuable you feel: The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale
After each statement, write one of the following: SA = Strongly Agree, A = Agree, D = Disagree, SD = Strongly Disagree
1. I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.
2. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
3. All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
5. I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
6. I take a positive attitude toward myself.
7. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
8. I wish I could have more respect for myself.
9. I certainly feel useless at times.
10. At times I think I am no good at all.
Score yourself this way:
For statements 1, 2, 4, 6, and 7 give yourself the following points for your answers:
SA = 3
A = 2
D = 1
SD = 0
For statements 3, 5, 8, 9, and 10 give yourself the following points for your answers:
SA = 0
A = 1
D = 2
SD = 3
Add it all up. If you scored between 15 and 25, you are within the normal range of feeling valuable and worthy. If you scored below 15, your self-esteem is low and you need to raise your self-image.
Ask students how they think they can improve their self-image. Affirm accurate comments. Then explain that a surefire way is to start doing more things for others. The more a person serves and helps others, the more others respond (which is rewarding) and the more a person feels validated and positive inside.
Human beings are made to respect themselves according to how good they are. Everyone wants to be good—even criminals justify their behavior and try to make it appear that what they did was actually good, because they, too, feel the need for the self-respect that springs from being good. But false justifications or explanations don't really raise a person's self-respect or self-esteem. Only genuine good deeds can do that.
Ask students to brainstorm the meaning of a good attitude. Point out that the story "Bouncing Back with a Positive Attitude" is about losing out on a basketball team. What do they think are some good attitudes to have in sports? In studies? Toward older people? Toward children? Toward peers?
Now have them reread "A Powerful Friend":
A Powerful Friend
Who am I?
I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed—you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great individuals and, alas, of all failures as well. Those who are great I have made great. Those who are failures I have made failures.
I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a human. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin—it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I am Habit.
From Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens (New York: Simon & Schuster, a Fireside Book, 1998).
Do students agree that habits—good and bad—are this powerful?
Tell students that you are going to demonstrate the power of habit. Get a strong boy to stand up. Hand him one stick and ask him to break it. He should be able to do so easily.
Explain that if you do something once or twice (hand the boy two sticks), it is usually still a pretty easy behavior pattern to break. Ask him to break the two sticks.
Then mention that if you do something over and over again, it becomes a habit. Hand the boy the rest of the sticks, one at a time, emphasizing, "Over and over again" as you hand him each stick. Say that something you do over and over again becomes a habit, and it is very hard to break. Ask him to break the handful of sticks all at once. He probably won't be able to.
Explain that, fortunately, both good and bad habits are hard to break!
Write "Good" and Bad" on the board. Ask the students to name some good habits in relationships and some bad ones. You might start them off by filling in some portion of the chart:
Good Bad
Asking how your friend is, Never returning phone calls or invitations
and really caring about the answer
Thinking of healthy things to do together, Always letting the other person pay
and proposing them to your friends
Class Session 2:
Mention that dealing with anger and other emotions was one of the sets of relationship skills explained in Chapter 4.
Point out the story of Clara in their student texts:
Clara's Story
"It took me a long time to realize that I should wait until I cooled down before I talked to someone about something they had said or done to make me angry. I always wanted to get my feelings out right in the moment, but then it always ended up in a worse argument.
“Walking away helped. People always seemed to understand when I said, ‘I want to take a walk and think this out a little bit.’ Walking would help me cool down. Then, when I talked to the person, I didn't say so many bad things or shout at them. I found I could say many of the same things, honestly, but not in such a mean way. Many times the person who had made me angry was already sorry by the time I got back from my walk!"
Mention that Clara has trained herself to walk away and cool down when she is angry, rather than let out her negative feelings.
Point out that anger, handled poorly, can really hurt relationships. Ask students to share how they handle anger and other negative emotions. Then ask them to do the Reflection Exercise in their student books: "Controlling Negative Emotions":
Think of the last few arguments or fights that you've had. Did you give in to your negative emotions? What was the response of the other person in these situations? Were there times when you were able to control any negative emotions? What did you do? How did things turn out in these cases?
Then have students self-test their self-control and responsibility in the Exercise: "Personal Leadership".
Exercise: "Personal Leadership"
Check your level of personal leadership by indicating the [[#|degree]] of your agreement with the following statements:
1. I often question my value and worthiness as a human being. _Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
2. I find myself complaining a lot. It is difficult for me to see the positive side of a situation. _Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
3. I have bad habits that I can't seem to stop. _Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
4. Usually I am able to control any destructive emotions. _Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
5. I usually decide things on impulse rather than thinking things out first. _Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
6. I can do just about anything I set my mind to. _Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
If you expressed agreement with statements 4 and 6 and disagreed with the others, you have a strong sense of responsibility and self-control. If you agreed more with statements 1, 2, 3 and 5, and disagreed with the others, you need to work on taking responsibility.
If there is time, students may do the Questions for Reflection in their student books in class; if not, they may do them or finish them as homework:
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you have value?
2. What gives a person value?
3. What determines our attitude: we ourselves or our circumstances? Explain.
4. Do you agree that our attitude is more important than our ability in determining personal success? Give an example.
5. What are some good habits named in the chapter?
6. How can negative emotions destroy a relationship?
7. What are some ways of controlling negative emotions?
8. What are the main stages of relationship bonding?
Assign the reading of Chapter 5 as homework for the next class session.
Objectives
Cognitive: Students will understand that relationship skills are related to qualities of good character.
Affective: Students will embrace and want to develop the good relationship skills outlined in the chapter.
Behavioral: Students will control emotions, maintain better attitudes and self-concepts, and form better habits.
Class Session 1:
Materials Needed:
Sticks—Craft or "popsicle" sticks are good
Mention that Chapter 4 covers four major areas of relationship skills. It would be good to write them on the board. They are:
1) Understanding our value
2) Good attitudes
3) Good habits
4) Processing anger and other emotions well
Ask students if they took the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale test in their student books. If they have not done so, urge them to do so in their spare time. It will help them to get to know themselves better. If they have done so, ask them to share whether they thought their results—whatever they were—were a true reflection of how much value they feel in themselves.
Take this test of how valuable you feel: The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale
After each statement, write one of the following: SA = Strongly Agree, A = Agree, D = Disagree, SD = Strongly Disagree
1. I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.
2. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
3. All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
5. I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
6. I take a positive attitude toward myself.
7. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
8. I wish I could have more respect for myself.
9. I certainly feel useless at times.
10. At times I think I am no good at all.
Score yourself this way:
For statements 1, 2, 4, 6, and 7 give yourself the following points for your answers:
SA = 3
A = 2
D = 1
SD = 0
For statements 3, 5, 8, 9, and 10 give yourself the following points for your answers:
SA = 0
A = 1
D = 2
SD = 3
Add it all up. If you scored between 15 and 25, you are within the normal range of feeling valuable and worthy. If you scored below 15, your self-esteem is low and you need to raise your self-image.
Ask students how they think they can improve their self-image. Affirm accurate comments. Then explain that a surefire way is to start doing more things for others. The more a person serves and helps others, the more others respond (which is rewarding) and the more a person feels validated and positive inside.
Human beings are made to respect themselves according to how good they are. Everyone wants to be good—even criminals justify their behavior and try to make it appear that what they did was actually good, because they, too, feel the need for the self-respect that springs from being good. But false justifications or explanations don't really raise a person's self-respect or self-esteem. Only genuine good deeds can do that.
Ask students to brainstorm the meaning of a good attitude. Point out that the story "Bouncing Back with a Positive Attitude" is about losing out on a basketball team. What do they think are some good attitudes to have in sports? In studies? Toward older people? Toward children? Toward peers?
Now have them reread "A Powerful Friend":
A Powerful Friend
Who am I?
I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed—you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great individuals and, alas, of all failures as well. Those who are great I have made great. Those who are failures I have made failures.
I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a human. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin—it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I am Habit.
From Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens (New York: Simon & Schuster, a Fireside Book, 1998).
Do students agree that habits—good and bad—are this powerful?
Tell students that you are going to demonstrate the power of habit. Get a strong boy to stand up. Hand him one stick and ask him to break it. He should be able to do so easily.
Explain that if you do something once or twice (hand the boy two sticks), it is usually still a pretty easy behavior pattern to break. Ask him to break the two sticks.
Then mention that if you do something over and over again, it becomes a habit. Hand the boy the rest of the sticks, one at a time, emphasizing, "Over and over again" as you hand him each stick. Say that something you do over and over again becomes a habit, and it is very hard to break. Ask him to break the handful of sticks all at once. He probably won't be able to.
Explain that, fortunately, both good and bad habits are hard to break!
Write "Good" and Bad" on the board. Ask the students to name some good habits in relationships and some bad ones. You might start them off by filling in some portion of the chart:
Good Bad
Asking how your friend is, Never returning phone calls or invitations
and really caring about the answer
Thinking of healthy things to do together, Always letting the other person pay
and proposing them to your friends
Class Session 2:
Mention that dealing with anger and other emotions was one of the sets of relationship skills explained in Chapter 4.
Point out the story of Clara in their student texts:
Clara's Story
"It took me a long time to realize that I should wait until I cooled down before I talked to someone about something they had said or done to make me angry. I always wanted to get my feelings out right in the moment, but then it always ended up in a worse argument.
“Walking away helped. People always seemed to understand when I said, ‘I want to take a walk and think this out a little bit.’ Walking would help me cool down. Then, when I talked to the person, I didn't say so many bad things or shout at them. I found I could say many of the same things, honestly, but not in such a mean way. Many times the person who had made me angry was already sorry by the time I got back from my walk!"
Mention that Clara has trained herself to walk away and cool down when she is angry, rather than let out her negative feelings.
Point out that anger, handled poorly, can really hurt relationships. Ask students to share how they handle anger and other negative emotions. Then ask them to do the Reflection Exercise in their student books: "Controlling Negative Emotions":
Reflection Exercise: "Controlling Negative Emotions"
Think of the last few arguments or fights that you've had. Did you give in to your negative emotions? What was the response of the other person in these situations? Were there times when you were able to control any negative emotions? What did you do? How did things turn out in these cases?
Then have students self-test their self-control and responsibility in the Exercise: "Personal Leadership".
Exercise: "Personal Leadership"
Check your level of personal leadership by indicating the [[#|degree]] of your agreement with the following statements:
1. I often question my value and worthiness as a human being.
_Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
2. I find myself complaining a lot. It is difficult for me to see the positive side of a situation.
_Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
3. I have bad habits that I can't seem to stop.
_Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
4. Usually I am able to control any destructive emotions.
_Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
5. I usually decide things on impulse rather than thinking things out first.
_Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
6. I can do just about anything I set my mind to.
_Strongly agree _Agree _Disagree _Strongly disagree
If you expressed agreement with statements 4 and 6 and disagreed with the others, you have a strong sense of responsibility and self-control. If you agreed more with statements 1, 2, 3 and 5, and disagreed with the others, you need to work on taking responsibility.
If there is time, students may do the Questions for Reflection in their student books in class; if not, they may do them or finish them as homework:
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you have value?
2. What gives a person value?
3. What determines our attitude: we ourselves or our circumstances? Explain.
4. Do you agree that our attitude is more important than our ability in determining personal success? Give an example.
5. What are some good habits named in the chapter?
6. How can negative emotions destroy a relationship?
7. What are some ways of controlling negative emotions?
8. What are the main stages of relationship bonding?
Assign the reading of Chapter 5 as homework for the next class session.